smalltown roadtrip

So tonight 3 of my friends and I took off to eat in Kelso, MO at what some of us thought was going to be a little pizza joint. Turns out, it was a rather nice restaurant-- a pizza and steak place. We all ate pizza, and it was wonderful. After dinner we decided we couldn't just go back home, so we took off across the river and ended up in Thebes, IL. This town was so cool... they had a permanent dunking booth in the park. No joke. This thing was permanently afixed. And old and broken. But a dunking tank, nonetheless. They also had a very nice merry-go-round, and teeter-totters that were green with yellow John Deere seats. Right across the road, there was an old back-hoe, so of course we had to pose for a picture or two. We had more fun that normal people should have in a smalltown in Southern Illinois! Hoping to post some pictures sometime soon....

i was thinking, overthinking, cuz there's just too many scenarios

Oh the joys of decision making.... I have until October 22 to make a decision. That is the application deadline for the "permanent" position at SEMO--basically the same job I'm doing now, but with a renewable contract. So, I just have to figure out whether this is something I want to pursue or not. I could always apply without deciding that I'll take the job. It is really hard to decided since part of the job would require teaching lecture (which I'm scheduled to do next semester), but I don't have (and won't have) any experience before they want to make a hiring decision (which is the end of this calendar year). So basically, at this point, I'm not sure which way God is leading me. I don't know what my future holds, and I have a hard time dealing with that. So, a lot of prayer is going to be necessary.

And, my attitude lately (about a number of things) has been pretty lousy. Please hold me accountable.

oh soul, are you weary and troubled...

It's quiet here again tonight. This quietness is not quite as comfortable as the recent one referred to in the previous post. Not because I don't like the quiet. Not even because I don't particularly enjoy being alone. I'm not as comfortable because I'm coming to realize that God is working on me, pushing me to act, and I'm fighting. I'm not fighting because I don't want to act, but because I'm not sure how to act at this point. I'm trying to trust Him to show me. But I'm scared of moving forward because it means digging up the past. I'm trying to take a step forward, but I don't like the unknown, the unfamiliar, or the uncomfortable. I guess nobody really does.

when peace like a river

Sometimes there are nights when I'm perfectly content with a quiet house. Tonight is one of those nights. We had Bible study and prayer time at the house tonight and I enjoyed the time we had while everyone was here. But I'm enjoying the quiet so much more.

I feel like God has really been working in me lately. My desire to daily spend time in His Word is increasing everyday. I'm constantly being challenged and encouraged by my friends. God has convicted me. And forgiven me. He is giving me peace and joy at work. But there is still a lot of work to do. A friend and I were talking at church this morning about how its kinda cool that the college kids are migrating closer to the front every week. He said something along the lines of, 'I hope that means they're moving closer to God in their daily walks.' We kinda laughed and joked about it--about how we usually sit pretty close to the front, so we must be pretty close to God. And we joked about how it wouldn't be long before we had moved so far forward we were on stage. He then said, 'ya know, I'm going to be thinking about that all week.' Me too. I have already been thinking about it today. Is my walk one that would put me on the stage? or in the front pew? or the back of the sanctuary? Is my walk one that glorifies Christ? Can people see that I belong to Him? I hope so. I want that.

Lord, make me like You. Let me truly represent You as Your child who was created in Your likeness. Give me a burning desire to seek You and to know Your Word like I know my own hands. Give me accountability.

Stagnant. adj.

Stagnant. adj. 1. not moving or flowing; motionless. 2. foul or stale from standing. 3a. showing little or no sign of activity or advancement; not developing or progressing; inactive. 3b. lacking vitality or briskness; sluggish or dull.

I wrote this post once already this evening - about how I feel spiritually stagnant at this current point in my life. Then I realized how much like a pity party it sounded. I don't want this to be that kind of blog. I've had those before. Instead, I want to thank God for putting such amazing people in my life who will pray for me at times like this. People who encourage me, suggest scriptures, ask me how I'm doing, and hold me accountable. Thanks. And please keep praying for me as I wrestle with selfishness and lack of discipline.

seeking Glory

I've only had this blog for a few days now, but I've already changed the name and location. This is due to a number of conversations I've had lately with friends and the inspiration of Thursday night prayer group.

Apparently, I'm a "glory seeker."

I have a tendency to make comments that give praise and glory to myself and my abilities. But I hope to change that.

I no longer want to be a glory seeker.

I want to seek God's Glory.

Cliche. I know. I'm okay with that. But seriously, I want to live my life in a way that exalts my Father and no one else. Not even myself.

Especially not myself.

nobody told me there'd be days like these

Wow. I'm exhausted. I'm sitting in the hospital's heart center waiting room while my mother is lying in the cardiac ICU bored and in a bit of pain. She had surgery to repair her mitral valve yesterday. After 2 hours of surgery prep, 5 hours of surgery, 2 hours of solitary recovery, and another 4 hours with a breathing tube shoved down her throat, she was feeling the effects of a long day. We all were. Surgery went just as planned, no complications, no concerns. Her recovery is right on track, and perhaps a little ahead of schedule. She's doing great. She is, of course, in pain and pretty uncomfortable (and claims this was worse than childbirth), but overall she is doing pretty good. I'm so proud of her bravery and her confidence through the whole process. It was amazing to see her completely covered by God's peace.

One of the most amazing things for me, was the huge amount of support we have seen this week. I couldn't believe how many people drove 2-3 hours to sit and wait with us during what became an extremely long day. We have had people open up their homes to us, and others offer to stay with mom while she's out of work. We have received (and hopefully returned) countless phone calls, text messages, and emails. I personally have had more people tell me they were praying than I even knew were aware of the surgery. I am continually blessed by the Godly servants that have been placed in my life. These have been 2 of the longest days of my life, and I'm so glad for God's grace, peace, and comfort, given not only directly but through all of you.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27 (NIV)