merry Christmas, here's to many more

i love Christmas! without a doubt, it is my favorite holiday. i love the decorations. i love the food. i love the family traditions. i love getting gifts, and i especially love giving gifts. i love being home with the family, and i always feel like everyone should have to come home with me and experience a Christmas with my family!

a typical Christmas in my family goes something like this:
Christmas Eve:
...go out for family lunch or dinner
...Christmas Eve service
...play games and/or watch Christmas movies
...make baked goods, candy, and other food items for the next day
...go to bed way too late (usually caused by starting the previous activities much too late into the evening)

Christmas Day:
...get up really early! (usually somewhere around 6:00am-- maybe not too early for you, but after staying up too late, it definitely is early!)
...gather as a family around the Christmas tree and share gifts with each other!
...spend a few minutes playing around with our new toys and checking out what everyone else got
...rush around to get showered and dressed and to get the car loaded because we suddenly realize we only have about 30 minutes before we really need to be out the door!
...head to the community center that we have to rent out in a nearby town about a 20 minute drive away
...family breakfast with the extended family (usually around 70 people for this), usually consisting of: eggs, toast, biscuits and gravy, fried ham, fried pig brains (yeah, i know. that's gross. but it's tradition. and some people in my extended family really like it), fruit, donuts, and any other breakfast item that happens to be provided. this also includes a variety of milks and juices.
...after allowing a good amount of time for eating seconds and for letting the food settle, it's announcement time, which sometimes seems remarkably like a church business meeting.
...then the gift exchange. this involves passing out a number of gifts for the 'children'--all those still in high school or younger--who always draw names for their exchange. once they're settled (as much as it is possible to settle a young child with a new toy in a place where they have a huge audience...), the adults do some sort of gift exchange game with $5 gifts.
**side note: we exchange a $5 gift, because we decided we don't need to spend so much money on ourselves. we now each collect about $1/week throughout the year, pool the money, and help out some needy families in our area. it's pretty gosh-darn awesome.**
...once all the adults have settled, the rest of the day is spent munching on sweets and snacks, playing games, and socializing.
...deep-fried turkey for supper. then time to clean up and close down the building.
...this is usually followed by a small entourage of family joining us back at our place for an evening of game-playing. this year's game of choice: Apples to Apples.

the day after Christmas:
...do as little as possible!

my Christmas was just as wonderful as i had anticipated! and i hope it was the same for all of my readers! and all of my friends and family, for that matter!


"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."
John 1:14

we're goin' to the chapel...

robyn and steven tied the knot last weekend! the ceremony was beautiful. the weekend went well-- much less confrontation than i had anticipated. thanks to all who were praying for the weekend-- praying for God's guiding hand throughout the weekend, for my attitude, for a loving heart, and peace and enjoyment about the whole weekend. i really did enjoy my time being a part of the bridal party. here are a few pictures to highlight the weekend:

getting our hair done and getting dressed:

photos/reception:

stop talking gibberish or just stop talking

i'm sitting here in my office on a sunday evening thinking about how i should probably be doing something productive. but, this week is finals week, and i have no finals to give, so i'm going to put off my work to blog.

i realized recently that i haven't update the blog about the job situation. most of you who read this probably already know...but maybe i missed someone. i had mentioned in october that i could apply for the open instructor position here--which is currently the position i'm holding. the position is renewable, meaning a one-year contract that could be renewed w/a yearly review. i went back and forth many times over it and have spent many hours in prayer. i chose not to apply. i feel like i'm sorta taking a leap of faith, because now i have no idea what my future holds. again. i do not like this feeling. but i'm learning to cope. i chose not to apply because i honestly felt like this wasn't the job for me--permanently. i have no regrets about taking it for this year. i'm sure God has my future under control, but it is super difficult to not know what that future is.

lately, at church, and especially today, the Lord has been convicting me about all kinds of stuff! we've been going through 1 Corinthians 13--"the LOVE chapter." it has taken our pastor 9 weeks to get through 13 verses. but it has been amazing. and hard all at the same time. today he challenged us to think about how we love others. the official challenge is to read 1 Corinthians 13 everyday. and insert our name whenever we see the word "love." can we honestly say we are patient? or we are kind? or we are not jealous? we are not prideful? the other part of the challenge is to look at those places where we fail, and take it to the Lord. easier said than done. this series has definitely given me much to think about!

also, today in sunday school, we were in Matthew 12. we went through the verses that talk about how our words come from the heart. and that we will be held accountable for every careless word we speak. we will be justified by our words. and we will be condemned by our words. pretty powerful stuff. i definitely don't have the worst vocabulary in the world, but there are a number of words or phrases that i say on a regular basis that are not pleasing to God. there have been many times my words have been those that will condemn. talk about conviction!

Lord, please teach me to rely on you in all things. teach me to be a loving servant. give me purity of thought and glorifying words.

the truth is excuses are lame

i'm aware that my blog is pretty lame. or at least i think it is. and i have no excuse. perhaps i'm a lame person? don't know. i do know that i don't update very often, and sadly, a lot of times that i do, i tend to complain or talk mostly of the negative points in my life. i'm going to try to change that. soon.

but first, i'm proud to say, my blog is NOT listed on the Top 11 Lamest Blogs list.

my friend (so long)

some people have been bugging me to update... and i want you to know that i've been trying. honestly i have. i have started a new post several times in the last couple of weeks, only to delete it. but anyway... here goes another attempt...

this has been a horrible week. one of the worst ever, i think. it hasn't been that a lot of really majorly bad things have been happening (though there was one pretty major bad thing...i'll get to that); it has just been tough. i've done a lot of outpouring of my heart to really close friends (thank you. i'm not sure you realize how much i appreciate you...). i've been on an emotional roller coaster. i've cried more this week than probably in the last 6 months combined. i've had some really awesome prayer time with some really awesome people. i've had to rely on my God a lot to get me through this week. i have been trying to get into the Word more, and to simply spend more time with Father.

the one pretty major bad thing: i found out on tuesday morning that a good friend of mine from high school died monday night. she died from a bloodclot to the lung. kind of a freak thing. the docs didn't say for sure, but it may have been linked to a recent knee surgery.

kindra jean westendorf
02.09.84 - 11.10.08

anyway... i've been having a hard time dealing with her death. sometimes i questions myself and wonder why this is so hard. because it's not like we were still really super tight. but we still talked rather frequently via email, facebook, etc. in fact, i had just seen her less than a month ago at another funeral. everytime i question, i realize quickly why i've been so distressed. i don't know if she was a believer. i know she had been exposed to the Gospel before. i was there. but to my knowledge, she never responded. this is a kind of grieving i've never experienced before. i've mourned the loss of a grandfather and an uncle and other relatives and friends. this is the first time that i've lost someone relatively close to me, where i didn't have the assurance that they would spend Eternity with Christ. i'm not even sure how to process it. but i guess that's what i've been trying to do this week... i'm trying not to feel guilty or regret not trying harder with her. but i know that seeds were planted while we were in school together. i'm just hoping something took root...

i'm sure there's more that needs to be said. but it's going to have to wait.

comin' at ya like a whirlwind

I feel like I'm in a whirlwind of thoughts and emotions. Ever feel that way? When your brain and your heart are both going about a bazillion miles per hour, but not in sync...

Anyway... I found out today that a friend from high school passed away this morning. He had muscular dystrophy and had been fighting for years. I guess it just finally caught up to him. His death wasn't totally unexpected, but it is still hard. I can't even imagine how his family is feeling. I've lost an uncle and a grandfather, and that's hard enough. But I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child. It is a little bit of comfort, though, to know that he knew the Lord and is with Father now and for the rest of eternity!

I've been struggling lately about this job thing... I have less than a week to turn things in if I am going to apply for the 'permanent' teaching position. I haven't really felt any distinct direction on the matter, other than not being motivated to go through the application stuff. Maybe there's a reason I haven't been motivated....maybe God is using this as a way to let me know this is not the job for me. I'm not sure. But what I am sure of is that no matter which direction I go, I'll be trusting God and taking a leap of faith. I know He'll use me, whether I follow His call or ignore it. I mean, look at Jonah-- He ran from God, and God used Him to lead one of the greatest revivals of all time! (after a short excursion in the belly of a great fish, of course) So I guess what I'm trying to say is that I am leaning toward not even applying for the teaching job. This does of course lead to the possibility of me moving away from Cape in the relatively near future. But, since I currently have no idea what my future looks like past May, this may or may not happen. Just keep me in your prayers about the whole situation if you don't mind....

Unfortunately, this post has taken way too long to complete. And I know I haven't included everything... but I'm having a hard time conveying my thoughts tonight.


Father, I ask for comfort for the Chesnut family as they grieve over losing Justin. Give them a peace and assurance in their hearts that they will get to see him again in Your Glory. Please let others see that peace, and let them wander how a family can be so trusting in You. Let Justin's death lead others to You. Give me the boldness to share the Gospel with my unsaved friends that will be at the visitation.

smalltown roadtrip

So tonight 3 of my friends and I took off to eat in Kelso, MO at what some of us thought was going to be a little pizza joint. Turns out, it was a rather nice restaurant-- a pizza and steak place. We all ate pizza, and it was wonderful. After dinner we decided we couldn't just go back home, so we took off across the river and ended up in Thebes, IL. This town was so cool... they had a permanent dunking booth in the park. No joke. This thing was permanently afixed. And old and broken. But a dunking tank, nonetheless. They also had a very nice merry-go-round, and teeter-totters that were green with yellow John Deere seats. Right across the road, there was an old back-hoe, so of course we had to pose for a picture or two. We had more fun that normal people should have in a smalltown in Southern Illinois! Hoping to post some pictures sometime soon....

i was thinking, overthinking, cuz there's just too many scenarios

Oh the joys of decision making.... I have until October 22 to make a decision. That is the application deadline for the "permanent" position at SEMO--basically the same job I'm doing now, but with a renewable contract. So, I just have to figure out whether this is something I want to pursue or not. I could always apply without deciding that I'll take the job. It is really hard to decided since part of the job would require teaching lecture (which I'm scheduled to do next semester), but I don't have (and won't have) any experience before they want to make a hiring decision (which is the end of this calendar year). So basically, at this point, I'm not sure which way God is leading me. I don't know what my future holds, and I have a hard time dealing with that. So, a lot of prayer is going to be necessary.

And, my attitude lately (about a number of things) has been pretty lousy. Please hold me accountable.

oh soul, are you weary and troubled...

It's quiet here again tonight. This quietness is not quite as comfortable as the recent one referred to in the previous post. Not because I don't like the quiet. Not even because I don't particularly enjoy being alone. I'm not as comfortable because I'm coming to realize that God is working on me, pushing me to act, and I'm fighting. I'm not fighting because I don't want to act, but because I'm not sure how to act at this point. I'm trying to trust Him to show me. But I'm scared of moving forward because it means digging up the past. I'm trying to take a step forward, but I don't like the unknown, the unfamiliar, or the uncomfortable. I guess nobody really does.

when peace like a river

Sometimes there are nights when I'm perfectly content with a quiet house. Tonight is one of those nights. We had Bible study and prayer time at the house tonight and I enjoyed the time we had while everyone was here. But I'm enjoying the quiet so much more.

I feel like God has really been working in me lately. My desire to daily spend time in His Word is increasing everyday. I'm constantly being challenged and encouraged by my friends. God has convicted me. And forgiven me. He is giving me peace and joy at work. But there is still a lot of work to do. A friend and I were talking at church this morning about how its kinda cool that the college kids are migrating closer to the front every week. He said something along the lines of, 'I hope that means they're moving closer to God in their daily walks.' We kinda laughed and joked about it--about how we usually sit pretty close to the front, so we must be pretty close to God. And we joked about how it wouldn't be long before we had moved so far forward we were on stage. He then said, 'ya know, I'm going to be thinking about that all week.' Me too. I have already been thinking about it today. Is my walk one that would put me on the stage? or in the front pew? or the back of the sanctuary? Is my walk one that glorifies Christ? Can people see that I belong to Him? I hope so. I want that.

Lord, make me like You. Let me truly represent You as Your child who was created in Your likeness. Give me a burning desire to seek You and to know Your Word like I know my own hands. Give me accountability.

Stagnant. adj.

Stagnant. adj. 1. not moving or flowing; motionless. 2. foul or stale from standing. 3a. showing little or no sign of activity or advancement; not developing or progressing; inactive. 3b. lacking vitality or briskness; sluggish or dull.

I wrote this post once already this evening - about how I feel spiritually stagnant at this current point in my life. Then I realized how much like a pity party it sounded. I don't want this to be that kind of blog. I've had those before. Instead, I want to thank God for putting such amazing people in my life who will pray for me at times like this. People who encourage me, suggest scriptures, ask me how I'm doing, and hold me accountable. Thanks. And please keep praying for me as I wrestle with selfishness and lack of discipline.

seeking Glory

I've only had this blog for a few days now, but I've already changed the name and location. This is due to a number of conversations I've had lately with friends and the inspiration of Thursday night prayer group.

Apparently, I'm a "glory seeker."

I have a tendency to make comments that give praise and glory to myself and my abilities. But I hope to change that.

I no longer want to be a glory seeker.

I want to seek God's Glory.

Cliche. I know. I'm okay with that. But seriously, I want to live my life in a way that exalts my Father and no one else. Not even myself.

Especially not myself.

nobody told me there'd be days like these

Wow. I'm exhausted. I'm sitting in the hospital's heart center waiting room while my mother is lying in the cardiac ICU bored and in a bit of pain. She had surgery to repair her mitral valve yesterday. After 2 hours of surgery prep, 5 hours of surgery, 2 hours of solitary recovery, and another 4 hours with a breathing tube shoved down her throat, she was feeling the effects of a long day. We all were. Surgery went just as planned, no complications, no concerns. Her recovery is right on track, and perhaps a little ahead of schedule. She's doing great. She is, of course, in pain and pretty uncomfortable (and claims this was worse than childbirth), but overall she is doing pretty good. I'm so proud of her bravery and her confidence through the whole process. It was amazing to see her completely covered by God's peace.

One of the most amazing things for me, was the huge amount of support we have seen this week. I couldn't believe how many people drove 2-3 hours to sit and wait with us during what became an extremely long day. We have had people open up their homes to us, and others offer to stay with mom while she's out of work. We have received (and hopefully returned) countless phone calls, text messages, and emails. I personally have had more people tell me they were praying than I even knew were aware of the surgery. I am continually blessed by the Godly servants that have been placed in my life. These have been 2 of the longest days of my life, and I'm so glad for God's grace, peace, and comfort, given not only directly but through all of you.

"Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid." John 14:27 (NIV)

another sinner saved

I have been inspired lately by many of my friends who have blogs and regularly update them. I love hearing updates from them, however extensive or minimal they may be. So, I've decided to give it a try. No promises that I'll be a regular blogger, though I'll do my best to keep people informed of what's going on in my life.

Sidenote: My blog is called 'another sinner saved by grace' because that's what I am. Nothing special about me, except I have been saved from eternal damnation by the sacrifice of Christ and His wonderful gift of grace.