some people have been bugging me to update... and i want you to know that i've been trying. honestly i have. i have started a new post several times in the last couple of weeks, only to delete it. but anyway... here goes another attempt...
this has been a horrible week. one of the worst ever, i think. it hasn't been that a lot of really majorly bad things have been happening (though there was one pretty major bad thing...i'll get to that); it has just been tough. i've done a lot of outpouring of my heart to really close friends (thank you. i'm not sure you realize how much i appreciate you...). i've been on an emotional roller coaster. i've cried more this week than probably in the last 6 months combined. i've had some really awesome prayer time with some really awesome people. i've had to rely on my God a lot to get me through this week. i have been trying to get into the Word more, and to simply spend more time with Father.
the one pretty major bad thing: i found out on tuesday morning that a good friend of mine from high school died monday night. she died from a bloodclot to the lung. kind of a freak thing. the docs didn't say for sure, but it may have been linked to a recent knee surgery.
kindra jean westendorf
02.09.84 - 11.10.08
anyway... i've been having a hard time dealing with her death. sometimes i questions myself and wonder why this is so hard. because it's not like we were still really super tight. but we still talked rather frequently via email, facebook, etc. in fact, i had just seen her less than a month ago at another funeral. everytime i question, i realize quickly why i've been so distressed. i don't know if she was a believer. i know she had been exposed to the Gospel before. i was there. but to my knowledge, she never responded. this is a kind of grieving i've never experienced before. i've mourned the loss of a grandfather and an uncle and other relatives and friends. this is the first time that i've lost someone relatively close to me, where i didn't have the assurance that they would spend Eternity with Christ. i'm not even sure how to process it. but i guess that's what i've been trying to do this week... i'm trying not to feel guilty or regret not trying harder with her. but i know that seeds were planted while we were in school together. i'm just hoping something took root...
i'm sure there's more that needs to be said. but it's going to have to wait.
1 comment:
even discussing this with you has spurred me to change the way i think and interact with those who aren't believers. i am really sorry that you are unsure of kindra's salvation. but i trust that the Lord will give you the wisdom and peace that only He can provide.
and i keep praying that we will be more proactive in sharing our faith out of love for others and the Lord.
btw - write her family. Love you!
Post a Comment