sometimes you feel like a nut

i've always claimed that i don't like nuts, except for peanuts. much to my dismay, i recently learned that i like pistachios. to comfort me, a friend told me that pistachios are not nuts; they are, in fact, legumes. so, feeling much better about myself and that i could still claim my dislike of nuts (i like peanuts; peanuts are legumes), i decided to look this up. i, of course, wanted to post my declaration on this blog for all to know.

well, as everyone is aware, wikipedia is the all-knowing, always infallible, universal source for all things. so i looked up pistachios. according to this omniscient website, a pistachio is a culinary nut (any large, oily kernel found within a shell and used in food), rather than a botanical nut (a simple dry fruit with one seed (rarely two) in which the ovary wall becomes very hard at maturity, and where the seed remains attached or fused with the ovary wall). now i'm not going to take the time to delve into plant biology--after all, this rabbit trail is already becoming much too long--but, this article does support the claim that a pistachio is not a "nut" in the traditional, botanical sense. however, this does not support that a pistachio is a legume (a simple dry fruit that develops from a simple carpel and usually opens along a seam on two sides), and it claims that many other "nuts" out there are also not truly nuts.

i feel as if one of my central life claims is quickly deteriorating--that i do not like nuts. (i feel i should add here, that another of my central life claims remains unscathed--that if it hurts, ice cream will make it better.)

actually, i could argue that i still do not like nuts. according to wikipedia, nuts (in the botanical sense) are things like hazelnuts, chestnuts, beech nuts. and i still dislike these. the problem is that many of the "nuts" that i dislike are not truly classified as nuts. for example, almonds, walnuts, pecans, brazil nuts, and macadamia nuts are all considered seeds or kernels. as are peanuts and pistachios--"nuts" that i like.

so where does that leave me? what can my new claim be? "i dislike nuts and many seeds and kernels"? maybe "i dislike nuts, seeds, kernels, except peanuts and pistachios"? hmm. maybe i'll just stick with "i don't like nuts" while adding that i'm a picky eater (though i never realized this until i moved out of my parents' house) and i dislike walnuts and almonds and brazil nuts and macadamia nuts and pecans and (while i'm on a roll...) cherries and coconut and tapioca and blueberries and tomatoes and mushrooms and...