all of my ambitions, hopes, and plans

a little update on me:

i'm still unemployed, constantly looking. i'm a little picky about the jobs i apply for--i prefer trace or firearms/toolmarks over drugs or toxicology. perhaps my pickiness is making it tougher to find a job. i'm slowly depleting funds. that happens when you have zero income, but still have bills and loans to pay off. i've applied for a number of jobs around town so i can make a little money to get me by, but so far nothing has come from that. i did just put in two more applications in the last two days, though... so maybe something will work out.

i'm getting close to the freak out point. the point in my life where i realize i'm broke and unemployed and really have no idea what will happen. actually, when i put it like that, maybe i'm already there. somewhere deep down, it hasn't hit me. yeah, i'm broke. no, i don't have a job lined up. but for some reason, i'm still not super worried about it.

sounds like Jesus to me. it can't be mine own strength or my own hope. nope. it has to be the strength and hope and courage that the Lord provides for me. and yet, in that hope and strength and courage, i realize how ungrateful and untrusting i am and have been. i mean, i know that God provides. i know He'll take care of me and provide for me. but i realize that i have not been earnestly seeking or regularly praying or consistently studying the Word. i've been lazy. i've been existing, rather than living.

i know that He has a plan for me. and i know that it will be revealed to me at the perfect time. i'm just not very good at waiting for His timing or seeking His wisdom. please pray for me in that, as i know many of you have already been doing.


Jesus, all for Jesus
all i am and have and ever hope to be
Jesus, all for Jesus
all i am and have and ever hope to be

all of my ambitions, hopes, and plans
i surrender these into Your hands
all of my ambitions, hopes, and plans
i surrender these into Your hands

for it's only in Your will that i am free
for it's only in Your will that i am free
Jesus, all for Jesus
all i am and have and ever hope to be