not guilty anymore

i figure that if you hear something 4 times in a span of about a week, it must be important, and something to take to heart.

instance #1:
last week, i spent a few days up in the chicagoland 'burbs hanging with mo, my sis erin, and her best friend kim. it was a blast! anyway, while we were there, erin was making a cd for a friend as a Christmas/thank you present. on the cd, she wrote the title: new mercies, and a reference from Lamentations 3. i thought, "that's a cool title. i like that she put a scripture reference on there." and didn't really think anything more about it.

instance #2:
early this week, i was having a text conversation with a great friend, and she sent me a text that said, "Lamentations 3:18-26." i looked it up, and was a little surprised (and excited) to see that it was the same reference erin had used last week! before i go on, i'll share:

So I say, "My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the LORD."
I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.

instance #3:
at church this sunday, one of the college students shared special music. a beautiful song called, "not guilty anymore" by aaron keyes. if you haven't heard it, i suggest you do! (conveniently, it's on youtube with a little video to go along--not the official music video--also not the full lyrics). anyway, the lyrics to this song really caught my attention. i'll share those as well (turning this into one of my longest posts ever, i think)...

it doesn't matter what you've done. it doesn't matter where you're coming from.
it doesn't matter where you've been. here me tell you, "i forgive."

you're not guilty anymore. you're not filthy anymore.
i love you. mercy is yours.
you're not broken anymore. you're not captive anymore.
i love you. mercy is yours.

can you believe that this is true? grace abundant i am giving you.
cleansing deeper than you've known. all was paid for long ago.

you're not guilty anymore. you're not filthy anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.
you're not broken anymore. you're not captive anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.

there is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Jesus.
you're not guilty anymore. you're not filthy anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.
you're not broken anymore. you're not captive anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.

you are spotless. you are holy. you are faultless. you are whole.
you are righteous. you are blameless. you are pardoned. you are MINE!

you're not guilty anymore. you're not filthy anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.
you're not broken anymore. you're not captive anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.i got to thinking about the lyrics for awhile, and realized that even if it isn't an exact correlation to the verses in Lamentations, the song still sends a very real message of the fact that God's mercies are new every morning! He has forgiven us. He continues to forgive us every day. what an amazing thought!

instance #4:
another great friend of mine recently wrote a post on her blog about the new year.... hopefully she won't mind as i just quote a little of her post:

"Already I can feel a sort of waning of New Year’s enthuasium. The house is quite clean, the New Year’s rituals upheld, the jaw set, the new plans implemented. And yet, I wonder, will this all really be? Will all that I hope for really come to be fulfilled?...

These January resolutions become March revolutions, hardly noticeable stirrings of new being within, secreted new life moving, revolving, and coming to term. Because He is faithful to finish the work that He has begun in us....

Day by day Christ will fill us, and week after week He will produce good things in our lives. In Christ’s time, the time shall be fulfilled, perhaps in unexpected places at unexpected times in unexpected ways. And the new us will be birthed, reading: Produced by Christ.

It is simply ours to come and let Him dwell within.

No, it may not be in our time. And in the days and weeks and the blur of time in between, we may give up on us. But God never does. We may think we will never be more holy, more healthy, more whole. But can we take faith? The time will be fulfilled and we will be made new.

And the good news along the way is that His mercies are not new every year, they are new every.single.morning."so, anyway...all of this to say that God's mercies really are new every single morning! and that it has taken this series of four events for me to really focus on what that means. and to realize that even as i struggle with things--past sins, current relationships, an undetermined future--i can continually go to Christ. i can lay these things at His feet. He will forgive me. He has forgiven me. sometimes i struggle daily, and that requires daily surrendering. but Hope is there! He gives mercy over and over and over and over again. every morning.

i don't know what to write that hasn't already been read

ever feel like the Lord has laid something on your heart--something you should be doing--but you don't know how to proceed?

merry Christmas, here's to many more

i love Christmas! without a doubt, it is my favorite holiday. i love the decorations. i love the food. i love the family traditions. i love getting gifts, and i especially love giving gifts. i love being home with the family, and i always feel like everyone should have to come home with me and experience a Christmas with my family!

a typical Christmas in my family goes something like this:
Christmas Eve:
...go out for family lunch or dinner
...Christmas Eve service
...play games and/or watch Christmas movies
...make baked goods, candy, and other food items for the next day
...go to bed way too late (usually caused by starting the previous activities much too late into the evening)

Christmas Day:
...get up really early! (usually somewhere around 6:00am-- maybe not too early for you, but after staying up too late, it definitely is early!)
...gather as a family around the Christmas tree and share gifts with each other!
...spend a few minutes playing around with our new toys and checking out what everyone else got
...rush around to get showered and dressed and to get the car loaded because we suddenly realize we only have about 30 minutes before we really need to be out the door!
...head to the community center that we have to rent out in a nearby town about a 20 minute drive away
...family breakfast with the extended family (usually around 70 people for this), usually consisting of: eggs, toast, biscuits and gravy, fried ham, fried pig brains (yeah, i know. that's gross. but it's tradition. and some people in my extended family really like it), fruit, donuts, and any other breakfast item that happens to be provided. this also includes a variety of milks and juices.
...after allowing a good amount of time for eating seconds and for letting the food settle, it's announcement time, which sometimes seems remarkably like a church business meeting.
...then the gift exchange. this involves passing out a number of gifts for the 'children'--all those still in high school or younger--who always draw names for their exchange. once they're settled (as much as it is possible to settle a young child with a new toy in a place where they have a huge audience...), the adults do some sort of gift exchange game with $5 gifts.
**side note: we exchange a $5 gift, because we decided we don't need to spend so much money on ourselves. we now each collect about $1/week throughout the year, pool the money, and help out some needy families in our area. it's pretty gosh-darn awesome.**
...once all the adults have settled, the rest of the day is spent munching on sweets and snacks, playing games, and socializing.
...deep-fried turkey for supper. then time to clean up and close down the building.
...this is usually followed by a small entourage of family joining us back at our place for an evening of game-playing. this year's game of choice: Apples to Apples.

the day after Christmas:
...do as little as possible!

my Christmas was just as wonderful as i had anticipated! and i hope it was the same for all of my readers! and all of my friends and family, for that matter!


"The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the One and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth."
John 1:14

we're goin' to the chapel...

robyn and steven tied the knot last weekend! the ceremony was beautiful. the weekend went well-- much less confrontation than i had anticipated. thanks to all who were praying for the weekend-- praying for God's guiding hand throughout the weekend, for my attitude, for a loving heart, and peace and enjoyment about the whole weekend. i really did enjoy my time being a part of the bridal party. here are a few pictures to highlight the weekend:

getting our hair done and getting dressed:

photos/reception:

stop talking gibberish or just stop talking

i'm sitting here in my office on a sunday evening thinking about how i should probably be doing something productive. but, this week is finals week, and i have no finals to give, so i'm going to put off my work to blog.

i realized recently that i haven't update the blog about the job situation. most of you who read this probably already know...but maybe i missed someone. i had mentioned in october that i could apply for the open instructor position here--which is currently the position i'm holding. the position is renewable, meaning a one-year contract that could be renewed w/a yearly review. i went back and forth many times over it and have spent many hours in prayer. i chose not to apply. i feel like i'm sorta taking a leap of faith, because now i have no idea what my future holds. again. i do not like this feeling. but i'm learning to cope. i chose not to apply because i honestly felt like this wasn't the job for me--permanently. i have no regrets about taking it for this year. i'm sure God has my future under control, but it is super difficult to not know what that future is.

lately, at church, and especially today, the Lord has been convicting me about all kinds of stuff! we've been going through 1 Corinthians 13--"the LOVE chapter." it has taken our pastor 9 weeks to get through 13 verses. but it has been amazing. and hard all at the same time. today he challenged us to think about how we love others. the official challenge is to read 1 Corinthians 13 everyday. and insert our name whenever we see the word "love." can we honestly say we are patient? or we are kind? or we are not jealous? we are not prideful? the other part of the challenge is to look at those places where we fail, and take it to the Lord. easier said than done. this series has definitely given me much to think about!

also, today in sunday school, we were in Matthew 12. we went through the verses that talk about how our words come from the heart. and that we will be held accountable for every careless word we speak. we will be justified by our words. and we will be condemned by our words. pretty powerful stuff. i definitely don't have the worst vocabulary in the world, but there are a number of words or phrases that i say on a regular basis that are not pleasing to God. there have been many times my words have been those that will condemn. talk about conviction!

Lord, please teach me to rely on you in all things. teach me to be a loving servant. give me purity of thought and glorifying words.

the truth is excuses are lame

i'm aware that my blog is pretty lame. or at least i think it is. and i have no excuse. perhaps i'm a lame person? don't know. i do know that i don't update very often, and sadly, a lot of times that i do, i tend to complain or talk mostly of the negative points in my life. i'm going to try to change that. soon.

but first, i'm proud to say, my blog is NOT listed on the Top 11 Lamest Blogs list.

my friend (so long)

some people have been bugging me to update... and i want you to know that i've been trying. honestly i have. i have started a new post several times in the last couple of weeks, only to delete it. but anyway... here goes another attempt...

this has been a horrible week. one of the worst ever, i think. it hasn't been that a lot of really majorly bad things have been happening (though there was one pretty major bad thing...i'll get to that); it has just been tough. i've done a lot of outpouring of my heart to really close friends (thank you. i'm not sure you realize how much i appreciate you...). i've been on an emotional roller coaster. i've cried more this week than probably in the last 6 months combined. i've had some really awesome prayer time with some really awesome people. i've had to rely on my God a lot to get me through this week. i have been trying to get into the Word more, and to simply spend more time with Father.

the one pretty major bad thing: i found out on tuesday morning that a good friend of mine from high school died monday night. she died from a bloodclot to the lung. kind of a freak thing. the docs didn't say for sure, but it may have been linked to a recent knee surgery.

kindra jean westendorf
02.09.84 - 11.10.08

anyway... i've been having a hard time dealing with her death. sometimes i questions myself and wonder why this is so hard. because it's not like we were still really super tight. but we still talked rather frequently via email, facebook, etc. in fact, i had just seen her less than a month ago at another funeral. everytime i question, i realize quickly why i've been so distressed. i don't know if she was a believer. i know she had been exposed to the Gospel before. i was there. but to my knowledge, she never responded. this is a kind of grieving i've never experienced before. i've mourned the loss of a grandfather and an uncle and other relatives and friends. this is the first time that i've lost someone relatively close to me, where i didn't have the assurance that they would spend Eternity with Christ. i'm not even sure how to process it. but i guess that's what i've been trying to do this week... i'm trying not to feel guilty or regret not trying harder with her. but i know that seeds were planted while we were in school together. i'm just hoping something took root...

i'm sure there's more that needs to be said. but it's going to have to wait.