well, it is official. i will be unemployed after may. the job hunt is on. again. i hate the feeling of not knowing. not knowing where i'll be or what i'll be doing or if i'll know anyone there. i try to trust. i try to have faith and believe. but i get in my way. and i worry about how things are going to work out. i don't want to move somewhere alone. i lived in an apartment by myself for 2 years. and really didn't enjoy it most of the time. (technically, i guess you could say i wasn't alone... i had my fat cat.) so, that part of me freaks out at the possibility of having to do that again. anyway, sorry. not trying to whine.
i'm pressing on. i'm doing my best to give it all to the Lord. He is the only One who can (and does) know what my future holds. i'll just have to trust that His Way is best.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Sunday, February 14, 2010
captivate us
a good friend of mine recently told me that i need to update more often. she's right. (thanks, nicole!) my first attempt at writing this particular post came last week during our weekly small group. i know, "you were blogging during small group?!" yes, i was. well, trying. i couldn't seem to figure out what to write or how to write it. i just knew i wanted to. so, after numerous attempts, i gave up for the evening.
so, now, another attempt. sitting in the living room floor with my guitar next to me. i've been learning a song by watermark, called "captivate us." the words are pretty amazing:
so, now, another attempt. sitting in the living room floor with my guitar next to me. i've been learning a song by watermark, called "captivate us." the words are pretty amazing:
Your face is beautiful and Your eyes are like the starts
Your gentle hands have healing, there inside the scars
Your loving arms, they draw me near, and Your smile, it brings me peace
draw me closer, oh my Lord, draw me closer, Lord, to Thee
captivate us, Lord Jesus, set our eyes on You
devastate us with Your presence falling down
and Rushing River, draw us nearer, Holy Fountain consume us with You
captivate us, Lord Jesus, with You
Your voice is powerful and Your words are radiant bright
in Your breath and shadow, I will come close and abide
You whisper love and live divine, and Your fellowship is free
draw me closer, oh my Lord, draw me closer, Lord, to Thee
captivate us, Lord Jesus, set our eyes on You
devastate us with Your presence falling down
and Rushing River, draw us nearer, Holy Fountain consume us with You
captivate us, Lord Jesus, with You
captivate us, Lord Jesus, set our eyes on You
devastate us with Your presence falling down
and Rushing River, draw us nearer, Holy Fountain consume us with You
captivate us, Lord Jesus, with You
and let everything be lost in the shadows of the light of Your face
and let every chain be broken from me as i'm bound in Your grace
for Your yoke is easy, Your burden is light
You're full of wisdom, power and might, and every eye will see You
captivate us, Lord Jesus, set our eyes on You
devastate us with Your presence falling down
and Rushing River, draw us nearer, Holy Fountain consume us with You
captivate us, Lord Jesus, with You
devastate us with Your presence falling down
and Rushing River, draw us nearer, Holy Fountain consume us with You
captivate us, Lord Jesus, with You
captivate us, Lord Jesus, with You
captivate us
i think right now, that's my prayer. to be so captivated by the Lord that everything else is just a shadow. i've recently been facing a number of personal struggles, and it is very difficult in those times for me to give up that burden. His yoke is easy. His burden is light. He's full of wisdom, power, and might. i know this. but for some reason, i always think there is some way that i can get thru these things in my strength.
Lord, please captivate my heart. take these burdens from me. fill me with Your love and Your wisdom and Your power.
Wednesday, October 7, 2009
life is not what i thought it was twenty-four hours ago...
today is my last day as a 24-year old. in reality, tomorrow i will have completed my 25th year of life. so crazy to think about.
i was sitting in my office at work today, trying to figure out exactly what i wanted this particular post to be about. it could be one of those cheesy, reflective "let me tell you everything i have learned in almost 25 years of life" posts,... or it could be one of those depressing "i'm now 1/4 of a century old. i could now be at 1/3rd of my life expectancy" posts,... or it could be a "yay! celebrate me! i'm turning 25! it's all about me!" kind of post... to be perfectly honest, i would prefer it not to be any of those.
what i'd really like it to be is somewhere in between, because i think it is important to occasionally reflect (tho it does not necessarily have to be on a birthday). and i think it is fun to celebrate making it thru 25 years of life. i have no desire to complain about how old i am... unless i'm talking about my constantly popping joints, or... just kidding. i really just want to post about a few discussions i have been involved in recently.
one occurred sometime last week. i wasn't exactly involved in the conversation, but it was happening around me. one of my friends mentioned that she didn't always like it when one of our pastors prayed on sunday mornings. because she felt like he prays in a very personal way... as if we are just privy to his conversation with Christ. and in a way, i think she's right. but her thought was that we shouldn't be listening in on that. and that he should save those prayers for his personal time, as Matthew 6 seems to imply (i'm inferring here,... i could be wrong. she may not have been referencing this verse):
"But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." (Matthew 6:6)i agree with her to some extent, but i also disagree. i do believe that when our pastor prays, we are often overhearing a conversation that he his having with the Lord. however, i believe we can look at that as a learning experience. i really enjoy listening to him pray, because he often prays in ways i wouldn't think of, or about things that i wouldn't normally put much thought into. and it is refreshing.
so...should this be the way he proceeds with prayer in front of the church? should we not be able to listen in? i'm honestly not sure...
switching gears: another conversation that occurred lately, happened at the small group that meets at our house. we had one girl come who is searching. she doesn't have a church background, and she doesn't know a lot about the Bible or even Christianity in general. however, she has a desire. we, as a small group, have been given a pretty awesome opportunity. not only an opportunity to witness to her and to try to answer her questions, but also to view Christianity through an unfiltered lens.
what i mean by that, is that oftentimes as Christians, we tend to start thinking and talking and even listening with a "church filter." we use our church words and carry our big churchy books and Bibles. we sometimes forget what it is like to be searching for fulfillment. for salvation. for redemption. it was really cool to sit back and listen to this girl, desperately seeking the Truth. and it was necessary for me to hear things as she views them, so that i can remember that we're not all the same...we process things differently. but on the other hand, we are the same: "for all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God." (Romans 3:23)
anyway... i feel as if i'm getting ranty... one more thing. in small group last week, a newly wedded friend of ours came over. her husband was unable to come with her. nobody really said much about it. this week, another girl asked about girl #1... "is she a newlywed?" yes... "i can just tell. she has that glow." :) and it hit me. that is a beautiful picture of how our relationship with Christ should be. He should be so evident in us that we glow. people should know we are married to Christ just by the glow we have!
i was sitting in my office at work today, trying to figure out exactly what i wanted this particular post to be about. it could be one of those cheesy, reflective "let me tell you everything i have learned in almost 25 years of life" posts,... or it could be one of those depressing "i'm now 1/4 of a century old. i could now be at 1/3rd of my life expectancy" posts,... or it could be a "yay! celebrate me! i'm turning 25! it's all about me!" kind of post... to be perfectly honest, i would prefer it not to be any of those.
what i'd really like it to be is somewhere in between, because i think it is important to occasionally reflect (tho it does not necessarily have to be on a birthday). and i think it is fun to celebrate making it thru 25 years of life. i have no desire to complain about how old i am... unless i'm talking about my constantly popping joints, or... just kidding. i really just want to post about a few discussions i have been involved in recently.
one occurred sometime last week. i wasn't exactly involved in the conversation, but it was happening around me. one of my friends mentioned that she didn't always like it when one of our pastors prayed on sunday mornings. because she felt like he prays in a very personal way... as if we are just privy to his conversation with Christ. and in a way, i think she's right. but her thought was that we shouldn't be listening in on that. and that he should save those prayers for his personal time, as Matthew 6 seems to imply (i'm inferring here,... i could be wrong. she may not have been referencing this verse):
"But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you." (Matthew 6:6)i agree with her to some extent, but i also disagree. i do believe that when our pastor prays, we are often overhearing a conversation that he his having with the Lord. however, i believe we can look at that as a learning experience. i really enjoy listening to him pray, because he often prays in ways i wouldn't think of, or about things that i wouldn't normally put much thought into. and it is refreshing.
so...should this be the way he proceeds with prayer in front of the church? should we not be able to listen in? i'm honestly not sure...
switching gears: another conversation that occurred lately, happened at the small group that meets at our house. we had one girl come who is searching. she doesn't have a church background, and she doesn't know a lot about the Bible or even Christianity in general. however, she has a desire. we, as a small group, have been given a pretty awesome opportunity. not only an opportunity to witness to her and to try to answer her questions, but also to view Christianity through an unfiltered lens.
what i mean by that, is that oftentimes as Christians, we tend to start thinking and talking and even listening with a "church filter." we use our church words and carry our big churchy books and Bibles. we sometimes forget what it is like to be searching for fulfillment. for salvation. for redemption. it was really cool to sit back and listen to this girl, desperately seeking the Truth. and it was necessary for me to hear things as she views them, so that i can remember that we're not all the same...we process things differently. but on the other hand, we are the same: "for all have sinned and fall short of the Glory of God." (Romans 3:23)
anyway... i feel as if i'm getting ranty... one more thing. in small group last week, a newly wedded friend of ours came over. her husband was unable to come with her. nobody really said much about it. this week, another girl asked about girl #1... "is she a newlywed?" yes... "i can just tell. she has that glow." :) and it hit me. that is a beautiful picture of how our relationship with Christ should be. He should be so evident in us that we glow. people should know we are married to Christ just by the glow we have!
Thursday, August 6, 2009
it's been a long time...
seven months. i haven't blogged in almost seven months. i've thought about it numerous times. i just didn't take the time to sit down and do it.
sadly, that's a picture of how my relationship with Christ has been. i'll say a prayer before a meal, or maybe at night, or when someone asks me to specifically remember them or some circumstance in prayer. but i haven't been in constant conversation with Him. i've not been disciplined in studying His Word either. i've allowed myself to be so occupied with the things and people around me, that i've forgotten Who is most important*.
*[i want to clarify that i'm not trying to throw a pity party or ask for sympathy. i'm simply trying to give an accurate description of my life. also, i am generalizing about the last seven months here. i do not believe i have been undisciplined and neglectful for all of that time. again, i just want to provide an accurate description.]
in that time, a lot has happened. i have strengthened relationships; and i have played my part in damaging them. i have dishonored Christ; i have dishonored my friends and family. i have watched and comforted friends in tough times; and i have neglected to do so when i should have. i have hurt close friends; and i have been hurt by close friends. i have experienced unemployment; i have experienced the frustrations of the job search; and i have found comfort in familarity and job security. i have experienced the excitement of a new house and a new car; i have experienced the gut-wrenching feeling of not knowing what to do or where to go. i have witnessed the joy of engagements and marriages and births; and i've seen the heartache of death and divorce.
all of this to say that i believe that in the most recent weeks and months, i have reached a turning point. i want to be in constant communion with the Lord. i'm relearning how to be His child. i'm slowly learning how to renew broken relationships. so, please bear with me.
and i am sorry if you have been hurt or offended by me or my actions. i'm earnestly asking for your forgiveness.
[and i am hoping to blog more often than every seven months. just a heads up.]
sadly, that's a picture of how my relationship with Christ has been. i'll say a prayer before a meal, or maybe at night, or when someone asks me to specifically remember them or some circumstance in prayer. but i haven't been in constant conversation with Him. i've not been disciplined in studying His Word either. i've allowed myself to be so occupied with the things and people around me, that i've forgotten Who is most important*.
*[i want to clarify that i'm not trying to throw a pity party or ask for sympathy. i'm simply trying to give an accurate description of my life. also, i am generalizing about the last seven months here. i do not believe i have been undisciplined and neglectful for all of that time. again, i just want to provide an accurate description.]
in that time, a lot has happened. i have strengthened relationships; and i have played my part in damaging them. i have dishonored Christ; i have dishonored my friends and family. i have watched and comforted friends in tough times; and i have neglected to do so when i should have. i have hurt close friends; and i have been hurt by close friends. i have experienced unemployment; i have experienced the frustrations of the job search; and i have found comfort in familarity and job security. i have experienced the excitement of a new house and a new car; i have experienced the gut-wrenching feeling of not knowing what to do or where to go. i have witnessed the joy of engagements and marriages and births; and i've seen the heartache of death and divorce.
all of this to say that i believe that in the most recent weeks and months, i have reached a turning point. i want to be in constant communion with the Lord. i'm relearning how to be His child. i'm slowly learning how to renew broken relationships. so, please bear with me.
and i am sorry if you have been hurt or offended by me or my actions. i'm earnestly asking for your forgiveness.
[and i am hoping to blog more often than every seven months. just a heads up.]
Thursday, January 15, 2009
we live, we love, we forgive and never give up
this post is for me.
forgive. verb.
1. to excuse for a fault or an offense; pardon.
2. to renounce anger or resentment against.
3. to absolve from payment (of a debt, for example)
Bear with each other and
forgive
whatever grievances
you may have
against one another.
Forgive
as the Lord
forgave
you.
Bear with each other and
forgive
whatever grievances
you may have
against one another.
Forgive
as the Lord
forgave
you.
Colossians 3:13
this is a reminder to me that i should strive to be like Christ. to glorify Christ. afterall, my blog is called seekingGlory. so, isn't forgiveness a part of being like Christ? yes, it definitely is. and it's definitely something i have been struggling with lately. i have struggled to forgive those that have wronged me in the past. i have been unable to "renounce anger or resentment." how can i truly have a complete relationship with Jesus, if i have not dealt with broken relationships in my life? and if i have not dealt with my own sinfulness? i don't think it's possible. so, now i must strive to daily surrender those resentful feelings and to forgive as i have been forgiven. Friday, January 9, 2009
not guilty anymore
i figure that if you hear something 4 times in a span of about a week, it must be important, and something to take to heart.
instance #1:
last week, i spent a few days up in the chicagoland 'burbs hanging with mo, my sis erin, and her best friend kim. it was a blast! anyway, while we were there, erin was making a cd for a friend as a Christmas/thank you present. on the cd, she wrote the title: new mercies, and a reference from Lamentations 3. i thought, "that's a cool title. i like that she put a scripture reference on there." and didn't really think anything more about it.
instance #2:
early this week, i was having a text conversation with a great friend, and she sent me a text that said, "Lamentations 3:18-26." i looked it up, and was a little surprised (and excited) to see that it was the same reference erin had used last week! before i go on, i'll share:
instance #1:
last week, i spent a few days up in the chicagoland 'burbs hanging with mo, my sis erin, and her best friend kim. it was a blast! anyway, while we were there, erin was making a cd for a friend as a Christmas/thank you present. on the cd, she wrote the title: new mercies, and a reference from Lamentations 3. i thought, "that's a cool title. i like that she put a scripture reference on there." and didn't really think anything more about it.
instance #2:
early this week, i was having a text conversation with a great friend, and she sent me a text that said, "Lamentations 3:18-26." i looked it up, and was a little surprised (and excited) to see that it was the same reference erin had used last week! before i go on, i'll share:
So I say, "My splendor is gone and all that I had hoped from the LORD."
I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
I remember my affliction and my wandering, the bitterness and the gall.
I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me.
Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope:
Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail.
They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him."
The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him;
it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
instance #3:
at church this sunday, one of the college students shared special music. a beautiful song called, "not guilty anymore" by aaron keyes. if you haven't heard it, i suggest you do! (conveniently, it's on youtube with a little video to go along--not the official music video--also not the full lyrics). anyway, the lyrics to this song really caught my attention. i'll share those as well (turning this into one of my longest posts ever, i think)...
it doesn't matter what you've done. it doesn't matter where you're coming from.
it doesn't matter where you've been. here me tell you, "i forgive."
you're not guilty anymore. you're not filthy anymore.
i love you. mercy is yours.
you're not broken anymore. you're not captive anymore.
i love you. mercy is yours.
can you believe that this is true? grace abundant i am giving you.
cleansing deeper than you've known. all was paid for long ago.
you're not guilty anymore. you're not filthy anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.
you're not broken anymore. you're not captive anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.
there is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Jesus.
you're not guilty anymore. you're not filthy anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.
you're not broken anymore. you're not captive anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.
you are spotless. you are holy. you are faultless. you are whole.
you are righteous. you are blameless. you are pardoned. you are MINE!
you're not guilty anymore. you're not filthy anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.
you're not broken anymore. you're not captive anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.i got to thinking about the lyrics for awhile, and realized that even if it isn't an exact correlation to the verses in Lamentations, the song still sends a very real message of the fact that God's mercies are new every morning! He has forgiven us. He continues to forgive us every day. what an amazing thought!
instance #4:
another great friend of mine recently wrote a post on her blog about the new year.... hopefully she won't mind as i just quote a little of her post:
"Already I can feel a sort of waning of New Year’s enthuasium. The house is quite clean, the New Year’s rituals upheld, the jaw set, the new plans implemented. And yet, I wonder, will this all really be? Will all that I hope for really come to be fulfilled?...
These January resolutions become March revolutions, hardly noticeable stirrings of new being within, secreted new life moving, revolving, and coming to term. Because He is faithful to finish the work that He has begun in us....
Day by day Christ will fill us, and week after week He will produce good things in our lives. In Christ’s time, the time shall be fulfilled, perhaps in unexpected places at unexpected times in unexpected ways. And the new us will be birthed, reading: Produced by Christ.
It is simply ours to come and let Him dwell within.
No, it may not be in our time. And in the days and weeks and the blur of time in between, we may give up on us. But God never does. We may think we will never be more holy, more healthy, more whole. But can we take faith? The time will be fulfilled and we will be made new.
And the good news along the way is that His mercies are not new every year, they are new every.single.morning."so, anyway...all of this to say that God's mercies really are new every single morning! and that it has taken this series of four events for me to really focus on what that means. and to realize that even as i struggle with things--past sins, current relationships, an undetermined future--i can continually go to Christ. i can lay these things at His feet. He will forgive me. He has forgiven me. sometimes i struggle daily, and that requires daily surrendering. but Hope is there! He gives mercy over and over and over and over again. every morning.
at church this sunday, one of the college students shared special music. a beautiful song called, "not guilty anymore" by aaron keyes. if you haven't heard it, i suggest you do! (conveniently, it's on youtube with a little video to go along--not the official music video--also not the full lyrics). anyway, the lyrics to this song really caught my attention. i'll share those as well (turning this into one of my longest posts ever, i think)...
it doesn't matter what you've done. it doesn't matter where you're coming from.
it doesn't matter where you've been. here me tell you, "i forgive."
you're not guilty anymore. you're not filthy anymore.
i love you. mercy is yours.
you're not broken anymore. you're not captive anymore.
i love you. mercy is yours.
can you believe that this is true? grace abundant i am giving you.
cleansing deeper than you've known. all was paid for long ago.
you're not guilty anymore. you're not filthy anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.
you're not broken anymore. you're not captive anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.
there is now therefore no condemnation for those who are in Jesus.
you're not guilty anymore. you're not filthy anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.
you're not broken anymore. you're not captive anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.
you are spotless. you are holy. you are faultless. you are whole.
you are righteous. you are blameless. you are pardoned. you are MINE!
you're not guilty anymore. you're not filthy anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.
you're not broken anymore. you're not captive anymore.
i love you; mercy is yours.i got to thinking about the lyrics for awhile, and realized that even if it isn't an exact correlation to the verses in Lamentations, the song still sends a very real message of the fact that God's mercies are new every morning! He has forgiven us. He continues to forgive us every day. what an amazing thought!
instance #4:
another great friend of mine recently wrote a post on her blog about the new year.... hopefully she won't mind as i just quote a little of her post:
"Already I can feel a sort of waning of New Year’s enthuasium. The house is quite clean, the New Year’s rituals upheld, the jaw set, the new plans implemented. And yet, I wonder, will this all really be? Will all that I hope for really come to be fulfilled?...
These January resolutions become March revolutions, hardly noticeable stirrings of new being within, secreted new life moving, revolving, and coming to term. Because He is faithful to finish the work that He has begun in us....
Day by day Christ will fill us, and week after week He will produce good things in our lives. In Christ’s time, the time shall be fulfilled, perhaps in unexpected places at unexpected times in unexpected ways. And the new us will be birthed, reading: Produced by Christ.
It is simply ours to come and let Him dwell within.
No, it may not be in our time. And in the days and weeks and the blur of time in between, we may give up on us. But God never does. We may think we will never be more holy, more healthy, more whole. But can we take faith? The time will be fulfilled and we will be made new.
And the good news along the way is that His mercies are not new every year, they are new every.single.morning."so, anyway...all of this to say that God's mercies really are new every single morning! and that it has taken this series of four events for me to really focus on what that means. and to realize that even as i struggle with things--past sins, current relationships, an undetermined future--i can continually go to Christ. i can lay these things at His feet. He will forgive me. He has forgiven me. sometimes i struggle daily, and that requires daily surrendering. but Hope is there! He gives mercy over and over and over and over again. every morning.
Monday, January 5, 2009
i don't know what to write that hasn't already been read
ever feel like the Lord has laid something on your heart--something you should be doing--but you don't know how to proceed?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)