on the road again

leaving for texas in the morning (road trip!). really early in the morning. my friend is going down to the dallas area for a couple of days of interviews and meetings with midwives. i'm going with her and her mama. then, monday, i'm renting a car and driving to tyler, texas, where i have an interview! for a firearms/toolmark position. i'm a little excited! i'll update on how it goes and what i eventually hear...

all of my ambitions, hopes, and plans

a little update on me:

i'm still unemployed, constantly looking. i'm a little picky about the jobs i apply for--i prefer trace or firearms/toolmarks over drugs or toxicology. perhaps my pickiness is making it tougher to find a job. i'm slowly depleting funds. that happens when you have zero income, but still have bills and loans to pay off. i've applied for a number of jobs around town so i can make a little money to get me by, but so far nothing has come from that. i did just put in two more applications in the last two days, though... so maybe something will work out.

i'm getting close to the freak out point. the point in my life where i realize i'm broke and unemployed and really have no idea what will happen. actually, when i put it like that, maybe i'm already there. somewhere deep down, it hasn't hit me. yeah, i'm broke. no, i don't have a job lined up. but for some reason, i'm still not super worried about it.

sounds like Jesus to me. it can't be mine own strength or my own hope. nope. it has to be the strength and hope and courage that the Lord provides for me. and yet, in that hope and strength and courage, i realize how ungrateful and untrusting i am and have been. i mean, i know that God provides. i know He'll take care of me and provide for me. but i realize that i have not been earnestly seeking or regularly praying or consistently studying the Word. i've been lazy. i've been existing, rather than living.

i know that He has a plan for me. and i know that it will be revealed to me at the perfect time. i'm just not very good at waiting for His timing or seeking His wisdom. please pray for me in that, as i know many of you have already been doing.


Jesus, all for Jesus
all i am and have and ever hope to be
Jesus, all for Jesus
all i am and have and ever hope to be

all of my ambitions, hopes, and plans
i surrender these into Your hands
all of my ambitions, hopes, and plans
i surrender these into Your hands

for it's only in Your will that i am free
for it's only in Your will that i am free
Jesus, all for Jesus
all i am and have and ever hope to be

temporary home

let's play a game called bad news, good news....

bad news: i'm still unemployed.
good news: another position that i would really like to have and for which i need zero experience just opened up (in texas). i put my application in the mail today!

bad news: my lease is up at the end of the month, and we're not renewing it.
good news: my two roommies have places to go--one is moving in w/her fam for a few months to save up some $$ before moving to texas and the other is going to teach 9th graders in south korea for a year. crazy!

bad news: i don't have permanent housing until i get a permanent job.
good news: i have a temporary home. some wonderful friends are gonna let me crash in their basement for awhile. i get a bedroom and bathroom all to myself. oh, and i have a house-sitting gig for a week, so wonderful friends won't have to deal with me until the 2nd week of august.

bad news: wonderful friends are soon getting a puppy--which is really not bad news--but it means i probably won't be able to keep purrsuit there.
good news: my parents are always thrilled to take care of the princess! (they would never admit it, but they love her. i'm sure of it.)

bad news: i'm ending this post.
good news: i've been doing better about posting and informing you of my somewhat exciting life... i'll try to keep it up!

workin' 9 to 5

i realize the title is a bit misleading--this post is not about working, but about being unemployed. and looking for work. i wish i was writing to proclaim that i will finally be doing my dream job, or at least that i have an interview. but unfortunately, that's not the case. so you'll have to deal with my thoughts on unemployment.

don't worry, this isn't some politically fueled post about unemployment or welfare or food stamps, though i do have opinions of such matters,...

no, i'd like to fill you in on my job hunt thus far. back in march, i decided to quit my job as an instructor at the university here. i have yet to regret this decision. i know it would have been the easy thing to do--stay where i knew i had a job and i knew how to do the job and i know all kinds of people in town and i am involved in many church activities--but it wasn't the right thing to do. so, as my sister says, i excercised my faith muscle. and it feels pretty good so far, even if i have not yet secured steady employment. or any employment.

back when i first made this decision, i started looking for crime lab jobs--the kind of job i've always wanted. so i looked, and i found a few, and i applied. i applied 3 places. in 3 different states. in 3 different parts of the country. kansas, arizona, and louisiana. of the jobs, i was most excited about the job in louisiana since it was something a little closer to what i wanted to be doing. anyway, it comes down to this. i got notification from arizona that i wasn't qualified for their position (this i knew going into it, but hey, you never know for sure if you try! sometimes education can substitute for experience in these types of jobs). i also heard from louisiana that they had filled their position. kansas never contacted me. and come to think of it, i never contacted them. but, their opening has not been posted in awhile, so i'm assuming they've filled that position already too. so i was bummed about that. but, what could i do?

i kept looking.

and looking.

and looking.

once school ended and i was officially unemployed, i began even looking for part time jobs around here. i applied to 3 businesses in town--i'll call them bullseye, toys were they, and ex-fed. (don't judge. i need money!) i got an email from bullseye: "we are unable to offer you a position at this time." okay, i can deal with that. maybe they just don't have any openings. i get an email from ex-fed: "you did not pass the initial assessment." what? what does that even mean? did they dislike my answers in their ridiculously long "personality profile" that accompanied the application? apparently, i'm not ex-fed material. i didn't even want to drive a truck or wear the shorts. i just wanted to stand behind the desk and make copies for people. oh well. toys were they apparently didn't want me either, since i never heard back from them. it is what it is.

so, now, here i am. still jobless. still unsure of what my future holds. but, good news is, i've applied for 2 more "big kid jobs" in the last couple of weeks. one in texas and one in maryland. hoping to hear back from them soon...both have application deadlines this week, so it hopefully won't be too long.

in the mean time, i may continue to look for part time employment. i may continue to stay at home day after day doing little things around the house like clean the shower and pull ivy and vacuum and do laundry. i'll do my best to keep you posted. and i'll keep working on bulking up that faith muscle. :)

sometimes you feel like a nut

i've always claimed that i don't like nuts, except for peanuts. much to my dismay, i recently learned that i like pistachios. to comfort me, a friend told me that pistachios are not nuts; they are, in fact, legumes. so, feeling much better about myself and that i could still claim my dislike of nuts (i like peanuts; peanuts are legumes), i decided to look this up. i, of course, wanted to post my declaration on this blog for all to know.

well, as everyone is aware, wikipedia is the all-knowing, always infallible, universal source for all things. so i looked up pistachios. according to this omniscient website, a pistachio is a culinary nut (any large, oily kernel found within a shell and used in food), rather than a botanical nut (a simple dry fruit with one seed (rarely two) in which the ovary wall becomes very hard at maturity, and where the seed remains attached or fused with the ovary wall). now i'm not going to take the time to delve into plant biology--after all, this rabbit trail is already becoming much too long--but, this article does support the claim that a pistachio is not a "nut" in the traditional, botanical sense. however, this does not support that a pistachio is a legume (a simple dry fruit that develops from a simple carpel and usually opens along a seam on two sides), and it claims that many other "nuts" out there are also not truly nuts.

i feel as if one of my central life claims is quickly deteriorating--that i do not like nuts. (i feel i should add here, that another of my central life claims remains unscathed--that if it hurts, ice cream will make it better.)

actually, i could argue that i still do not like nuts. according to wikipedia, nuts (in the botanical sense) are things like hazelnuts, chestnuts, beech nuts. and i still dislike these. the problem is that many of the "nuts" that i dislike are not truly classified as nuts. for example, almonds, walnuts, pecans, brazil nuts, and macadamia nuts are all considered seeds or kernels. as are peanuts and pistachios--"nuts" that i like.

so where does that leave me? what can my new claim be? "i dislike nuts and many seeds and kernels"? maybe "i dislike nuts, seeds, kernels, except peanuts and pistachios"? hmm. maybe i'll just stick with "i don't like nuts" while adding that i'm a picky eater (though i never realized this until i moved out of my parents' house) and i dislike walnuts and almonds and brazil nuts and macadamia nuts and pecans and (while i'm on a roll...) cherries and coconut and tapioca and blueberries and tomatoes and mushrooms and...

here's my heart, You write the words

tonight is one of those nights where i have someone on my heart, but i just can't seem to find words.

"But if we hope for what we do not see, we wait for it with patience. Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness. For we do not know what to pray for as we ought, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words. And he who searches hearts knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God."

Romans 8:25-27 (ESV)

You're calling me to lay aside the worries of my day...

...to quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place.

it sounds so simple. put aside your troubles and rest in Him. i struggle with this so much. i mean, i have no problem praying and asking Father for help with those troubles. but i don't want to let them go. i say "here, Lord, you take this half," or "c'mon, we'll lift together." but He makes it clear to us that we are to give those burdens completely to Him:

Philippians 4:6: Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.

1 Peter 5:6-7: Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you at the proper time, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you.

Psalm 55:22: Cast your burden upon the LORD and He will sustain you; He will never allow the righteous to be shaken.

and there are many more. like most of the blogs i write, this one is a reminder specifically for me.  i've been struggling with a number of things lately... broken relationships, bruised friendships, an uncertain future... and all i need to do is give these things to Him. lay them in His hands.  

please Father give me the strength to let go and to trust You. You are far more worthy than anything i could ever offer. please take my pride and my selfishness and my lusts and my desires, so that i may focus wholly on You.