i'm on the up and up

so, wow. can't believe it has been so long since i've posted. nevermind. i can totally believe it. anyway, a little progress in my life... very soon, i will no longer be working at my mediocre retail job - yay! i was hired full-time at another local establishment (super yay!) - a call center... but not the annoying kind... the kind of call center where people call me to make hotel reservations, and i set it up for them. i realize this is not a glamorous job,... perhaps no better than the retail job. but, it is more hours and more pay. and that's a good thing. i'll continue living with my awesome friends and looking for forensics jobs while i'm working there.

speaking of my awesome friends... we're going to be doing a bit of a garden project this spring/summer. it should prove to be interesting, and i think, exciting. :) each of the members of the household are responsible for a certain vegetable or vegetables. we'll have tomatoes, peppers, radishes, onions, squash, lettuce, and so much more! and, yours truly will be in charge of a variety of herbs. this is honestly a pretty daunting task. i've grown pretty much nothing in my life. and now i'm responsible for these herbs - from planning and planting to watering and pruning to harvesting. anyway, there will hopefully be a blog soon... but until it is really up and going, i'm not going to post the address. but soon.

i have a lot to say today, but i'm probably going to try to space it out a bit... a little today, and hopefully a little more tomorrow.... but before i cut it short, the inspiration for the title of this post is a relient k song. two of their songs have been hitting me really hard in the last week or so: up and up and be my escape. if you've never heard these songs, i highly recommend them both - or at least read the lyrics! in fact, i'll give you a little bit of each of them:

from be my escape:

i’m giving up on doing this alone now

cause i’ve failed and i’m ready to be shown how
He’s told me the way and i’m trying to get there
and this life sentence that i'm serving

i admit that i’m every bit deserving
but the beauty of grace is that it makes life not fair
cause i’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity

and i’ve been locked inside that house

all the while You hold the key
and i’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
...and i’m begging You to be my escape

from up and up:

yesterday was not quite what it could've been

as were most of all the days before
but I swear today with every breath I'm breathing in

i'll be trying to make it so much more
cause it seems I get so hung up on

the history of what's gone wrong

and the hope of a new day is sometimes hard to see
...to be prosperous would not require much of me

you see contentment is the one thing it entails

to be content with where i am

and getting where i need to be

i'm moving past the past where i have failed

...and i'm finally catching onto it

and now the past is just a conduit

and the light there at the end is where i'll be
cause i'm on the up and up

...and i haven't given up

given up on what i know i'm capable of
and I'm on the up and up

...yeah there's nothing left to prove

cause i'm just trying to be a better version of me for You

a better version of me for You

darlin', do not fear what you don't really know

it has been really hard to not get frustrated and discouraged. sometimes it is really tough being here, in this place i'm in - working at a job i don't love (and not really what i want to do), being so dependent on other people (living rent-free with very gracious people), and just overall feeling like my life is at a standstill.

[side note: i realize that my blogs often get written when i'm in this self-pitying mood.]

[note to self: avoid doing this in the future.]

anyway, update on me... still working in retail and still looking for a forensics job. just sent out another application this week (yay!) and am hoping to apply online to another job by this weekend. and i'm still looking.

in other news... my sister got engaged a couple months ago! (super yay!) i spent some time between christmas and new year's up in chicagoland with her and her fiance and her bridesmaids and had a blast. we talked wedding and went dress shopping, and mama was even able to come up for the shopping. i have to admit, i'm pretty excited to be the "moh". ;)

this too shall pass

(written 12.02.2010)
time for an update. long overdue, i know. not sure where i left off (since it has been so long and since i’m writing this where i don’t have internet access, so i can’t just look at my latest entry to see), but i’ll do my best. i interviewed for a job in tyler, tx awhile back. didn’t get it. got another interview with the same organization in austin, tx, but have yet to hear back from them – 5 weeks later. So, I’m just waiting patiently and trying to apply whenever/wherever I can. unfortunately, though, jobs (for which i am qualified) are few and far between. in the meantime, i’ve been hired on as seasonal help at our local macy’s. (at least my manager thinks i do a good job and wants to keep me past the holidays. i’d just prefer a forensics job before that.) i have a masters degree and am working part-time, minimum wage. it really sucks. but, as mark lowry sings, “this too shall pass.”

it is so easy to say, and so hard to believe. i feel like i often go into this rant about needing to exercise more faith, need to trust more in God, this is only temporary, etc. but i constantly need the reminder. things have been really rough for me in the past 7 months – emotionally and financially, especially. but again, i try to remember: “Faithful is He who calls you, and He also will bring it to pass.” (1 thess 5:24)

oh, and another bit of news,... my living situation is changing yet again. my friends, with whom i've been staying, are going to be moving soon. so, i’m in the process of packing up (again) and i’m gonna move in with another good friend and her family for awhile. should be interesting – i’ve never had to live with younger brothers...

on the road again

leaving for texas in the morning (road trip!). really early in the morning. my friend is going down to the dallas area for a couple of days of interviews and meetings with midwives. i'm going with her and her mama. then, monday, i'm renting a car and driving to tyler, texas, where i have an interview! for a firearms/toolmark position. i'm a little excited! i'll update on how it goes and what i eventually hear...

all of my ambitions, hopes, and plans

a little update on me:

i'm still unemployed, constantly looking. i'm a little picky about the jobs i apply for--i prefer trace or firearms/toolmarks over drugs or toxicology. perhaps my pickiness is making it tougher to find a job. i'm slowly depleting funds. that happens when you have zero income, but still have bills and loans to pay off. i've applied for a number of jobs around town so i can make a little money to get me by, but so far nothing has come from that. i did just put in two more applications in the last two days, though... so maybe something will work out.

i'm getting close to the freak out point. the point in my life where i realize i'm broke and unemployed and really have no idea what will happen. actually, when i put it like that, maybe i'm already there. somewhere deep down, it hasn't hit me. yeah, i'm broke. no, i don't have a job lined up. but for some reason, i'm still not super worried about it.

sounds like Jesus to me. it can't be mine own strength or my own hope. nope. it has to be the strength and hope and courage that the Lord provides for me. and yet, in that hope and strength and courage, i realize how ungrateful and untrusting i am and have been. i mean, i know that God provides. i know He'll take care of me and provide for me. but i realize that i have not been earnestly seeking or regularly praying or consistently studying the Word. i've been lazy. i've been existing, rather than living.

i know that He has a plan for me. and i know that it will be revealed to me at the perfect time. i'm just not very good at waiting for His timing or seeking His wisdom. please pray for me in that, as i know many of you have already been doing.


Jesus, all for Jesus
all i am and have and ever hope to be
Jesus, all for Jesus
all i am and have and ever hope to be

all of my ambitions, hopes, and plans
i surrender these into Your hands
all of my ambitions, hopes, and plans
i surrender these into Your hands

for it's only in Your will that i am free
for it's only in Your will that i am free
Jesus, all for Jesus
all i am and have and ever hope to be

temporary home

let's play a game called bad news, good news....

bad news: i'm still unemployed.
good news: another position that i would really like to have and for which i need zero experience just opened up (in texas). i put my application in the mail today!

bad news: my lease is up at the end of the month, and we're not renewing it.
good news: my two roommies have places to go--one is moving in w/her fam for a few months to save up some $$ before moving to texas and the other is going to teach 9th graders in south korea for a year. crazy!

bad news: i don't have permanent housing until i get a permanent job.
good news: i have a temporary home. some wonderful friends are gonna let me crash in their basement for awhile. i get a bedroom and bathroom all to myself. oh, and i have a house-sitting gig for a week, so wonderful friends won't have to deal with me until the 2nd week of august.

bad news: wonderful friends are soon getting a puppy--which is really not bad news--but it means i probably won't be able to keep purrsuit there.
good news: my parents are always thrilled to take care of the princess! (they would never admit it, but they love her. i'm sure of it.)

bad news: i'm ending this post.
good news: i've been doing better about posting and informing you of my somewhat exciting life... i'll try to keep it up!

workin' 9 to 5

i realize the title is a bit misleading--this post is not about working, but about being unemployed. and looking for work. i wish i was writing to proclaim that i will finally be doing my dream job, or at least that i have an interview. but unfortunately, that's not the case. so you'll have to deal with my thoughts on unemployment.

don't worry, this isn't some politically fueled post about unemployment or welfare or food stamps, though i do have opinions of such matters,...

no, i'd like to fill you in on my job hunt thus far. back in march, i decided to quit my job as an instructor at the university here. i have yet to regret this decision. i know it would have been the easy thing to do--stay where i knew i had a job and i knew how to do the job and i know all kinds of people in town and i am involved in many church activities--but it wasn't the right thing to do. so, as my sister says, i excercised my faith muscle. and it feels pretty good so far, even if i have not yet secured steady employment. or any employment.

back when i first made this decision, i started looking for crime lab jobs--the kind of job i've always wanted. so i looked, and i found a few, and i applied. i applied 3 places. in 3 different states. in 3 different parts of the country. kansas, arizona, and louisiana. of the jobs, i was most excited about the job in louisiana since it was something a little closer to what i wanted to be doing. anyway, it comes down to this. i got notification from arizona that i wasn't qualified for their position (this i knew going into it, but hey, you never know for sure if you try! sometimes education can substitute for experience in these types of jobs). i also heard from louisiana that they had filled their position. kansas never contacted me. and come to think of it, i never contacted them. but, their opening has not been posted in awhile, so i'm assuming they've filled that position already too. so i was bummed about that. but, what could i do?

i kept looking.

and looking.

and looking.

once school ended and i was officially unemployed, i began even looking for part time jobs around here. i applied to 3 businesses in town--i'll call them bullseye, toys were they, and ex-fed. (don't judge. i need money!) i got an email from bullseye: "we are unable to offer you a position at this time." okay, i can deal with that. maybe they just don't have any openings. i get an email from ex-fed: "you did not pass the initial assessment." what? what does that even mean? did they dislike my answers in their ridiculously long "personality profile" that accompanied the application? apparently, i'm not ex-fed material. i didn't even want to drive a truck or wear the shorts. i just wanted to stand behind the desk and make copies for people. oh well. toys were they apparently didn't want me either, since i never heard back from them. it is what it is.

so, now, here i am. still jobless. still unsure of what my future holds. but, good news is, i've applied for 2 more "big kid jobs" in the last couple of weeks. one in texas and one in maryland. hoping to hear back from them soon...both have application deadlines this week, so it hopefully won't be too long.

in the mean time, i may continue to look for part time employment. i may continue to stay at home day after day doing little things around the house like clean the shower and pull ivy and vacuum and do laundry. i'll do my best to keep you posted. and i'll keep working on bulking up that faith muscle. :)